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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Good, the Bad and the Snuggly

I live in a spaghetti western movie.

I didn't realize this until I began recording short videos of my home’s furry inhabitants.  

As I watched the videos—and my pets,when I wasn’t recording them—I realized there were...

Good guys and bad guys. 

Showdowns. Staredowns.

Thundering herds.

And music.

Actually, the music is all in my head…the kind that plays during the pivotal showdown scene, or when everyone saddles up and the posse heads out to catch the Bad Guy. So it seemed that nearly every video required a Ennio Morrione score.

Here are few examples.
(Each video is only 6 seconds long, since they were taken with Vine.)

Scene 1, Western:  Camera pans over a desolate landscape. Pushed by a dusty wind, a tumble weed skitters past the skeletal remains of an animal. The audience understands this is a place of emptiness.

Here’s how the scene plays out in my house:

Of course in my version, it’s not tumbleweeds  but stuffing that came from a headless and disemboweled plush horse, courtesy of Lilah. No skeletons, but close. And no emptiness. Definitely no emptiness. That would be impossible in a house with three dogs and four cats. 

Scene 2, Western: Bad Guy is holed up in the local flophouse, with an injury sustained in a gun battle during a bank robbery. Good Guy spots him, and the Bad Guy leaps out of the window onto his waiting horse and escapes.

My house:

While we’re not exactly talking Good Guys and Bad Guys here, Elsa Clair has been spotted by Calvin, and leaps to a quick getaway.

Scene 3, Western: The showdown. In the center of town, two men face each other, eyes glaring, fingers twitching, waiting to draw on each other. Kitty, the whore with a heart of gold, runs for the sheriff, who comes just in time to break it up “afore someone gets hurt.”

My version:

Athena and Calvin stare each other down, until Sheriff Tucker arrives to save the day. You'll note we have not one, two kitties.

End scene, Western: Good Guy figures the only way to catch Bad Guy is to set him up, create a trap that he can’t resist. Usually Bad Guy gets shot, but sometimes, he gets away and the audience knows he’ll be up to no good somewhere else. Maybe he’ll sneak back to hunt down the sheriff who ran him out of town.

And in my house:

Sly Elsa Clair knows Calvin is hungry, and waits for him from their feeding spot, on top of the buffet. She successfully runs him out of town…kitchen. But he’ll be back. And all my cats find ways to be up to no good somewhere.

Fade to black.

See what I mean?

Where’s Ennio Morricone when I need him?